Asklemmy

43940 readers

806 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
!lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago

MODERATORS

Whats a current obstacle or challenge in your life you'd like to share and have people brainstorm for solutions? (lemmy.world)

submitted 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) by cheese_greater@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

69 comments fedilink hide all child comments

If we can avoid massive collective issues that would be appreciated as there is very little agency the individual has to address those and that helpless ess can often extend to the more solvable individual matters we all grapple with but also occasionally rise to conquer.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] Jonnyprophet@lemmy.world 2 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Just something to keep in mind. If someone is a dick to you, abusive or ruthless, or just hurtful... 90% of the time, it's not you. It's them. There is something broken in them that makes them mean, and needing to hurt. They are malfunctioning.

The last 10% of the time... Own it and work hard to fix it...

But hurtful people hurt, not because of you, but because they are damaged and want to hurt people, and that's wrong.

[–] gramophone_mind@lemmy.ml 1 points 3 weeks ago

Thank you for these words. When my ordeal began, it was hard to realize this straightout because that person looks and acts totally normal, except for the many microagression. They seem obsessed with how others perceive them, so their pristine image and me being a newcomer made me constantly blame myself until that slowly faded a bit each day as I came to realize the absolutely wise words you just typed above.