this post was submitted on 27 Oct 2024
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Narcissists at work. Seriously. Manipulative fucks who are ladder climbing and have little interest in the field. They make my life harder. I currently have to deal with one at work and I know many more are up ahead. How do you handle someone who basically shows classic signs of narcissism, and controlling and toxic behavior, especially when the person themselves are not in the slightest open to the idea of changing or being wrong or seeking help.
I've tried setting boundaries, being nice, being sneaky, being absent/avoidant and nothing seems to work. This person has chosen me for some reason to be their pet or something and they get angry when I sway from the script (which is the case on a daily basis).
What's the script? What happens if you just... Don't? (Really, the worst thing you can do to a narcissist is ignore them)
The script is that I am poor and helpless and need thei constant advice and directions to function.
Ignoring them makes them angry. Several times I tried to ignore something and get distance but it always increases their desire to "check" me and make sure I'm okay and in-script. So avoiding or ignoreing them exacerbates this. :(
Just something to keep in mind. If someone is a dick to you, abusive or ruthless, or just hurtful... 90% of the time, it's not you. It's them. There is something broken in them that makes them mean, and needing to hurt. They are malfunctioning.
The last 10% of the time... Own it and work hard to fix it...
But hurtful people hurt, not because of you, but because they are damaged and want to hurt people, and that's wrong.
Thank you for these words. When my ordeal began, it was hard to realize this straightout because that person looks and acts totally normal, except for the many microagression. They seem obsessed with how others perceive them, so their pristine image and me being a newcomer made me constantly blame myself until that slowly faded a bit each day as I came to realize the absolutely wise words you just typed above.