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what would be the best way to tell your supervisor to stop inquiring about your personal life and mobbing you into opening up? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by sarah2653@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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my supervisor is an extrovert, whereas I'm an introvert. She feels insulted if I don't share my personal life with her and ridicules me before other coworkers because I separate private and work life and prefer to keep to myself.

I wrote mobbing because that's what it feels to me: a ritual of hers is to always eat together, a time she uses to ask me questions I don't want to answer. I usually answer very vaguely, which is not enough for her. If I eat alone, she'll complaint about why am I being so unfriendly.

She doesn't understand I need time alone to unwind.

She is convinced she is doing me a favor, but the opposite is true. It makes me dislike her even more.

I simply cannot win. It's tiring being blamed and shamed for preferring to read a book instead of talking about dogs or sex.

It makes me want to quit.

I don't know if I go to HR with an issue like this, because they may label me the odd one, the one who's not a teamplayer and use it against me.

Most people are extroverted and react angrily to somebody who keeps to himself and I've been bullied several times for this. Extroverts don't seem to understand that not showing interest in their sexual lives doesn't mean disrespect, but simply that I don't care about it.

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[–] BCsven@lemmy.ca 4 points 2 months ago

People often do things they enjoy when connecting with others, tlhinking that is what others need--especially extroverts and mostly when they aren't self-aware. e.g. when my wife heads out with friends she tries to plan things for me to do (or even friend hangouts) so I won't be bored. But that is her as an extrovert thinking how she would be if I went out. I have to reexplain each time that I won't be bored--i will catch up on reading, podcasts, bike ride, etc, enjoy some solitude, and if I felt the need then I would reach out to a friends.

You may need to have a candid chat and explain that as an introvert you need quiet alone time to recharge your battery--while extroverts charge their battery by being busy or outgoing.