this post was submitted on 01 Jul 2024
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No Stupid Questions

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If I don't care what pronouns are used, can I still be an ally? (lemmy.world)
submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by notanaltaccount@lemmy.world to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.ca
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Trigger warning: this could be upsetting

Shortly after graduating school, I hung out with someone I met once before and was raped and have some trauma in my background. It was aquaintance rape I guess? I barely knew him. There's other bad stuff that's happened that's also horrifying, some of it worse than that.

I am biologically male and effeminate, but don't want to have a female body. I don't really feel like anything and sort of don't care what people call me. I am slightly asexual just from trauma and don't really feel like I exist in a way. It wouldn't surprise me if I'm not around in another decade.

I support trans people, but feel like putting he/him next to my name sort of implies a more clear identity than I have or implies I care about how people label me. I don't. I sort of barely exist and don't like to imply otherwise. People can call me anything, I don't care. I don't see myself as female or a they or it. I don't see myself as anything.

I almost want to go like (he/him/*) but I am afraid this would be disrespectful.

I truthfully would like to be (he/him/๐Ÿซฅ/๐Ÿ’€) which would obviously be seen as demeaning. I feel like anything other than normal parantheticals opens the door to a distracting conversation that I don't want professionally and often don't want personally. And I feel like nothing after my name is dog-whistle for trans-people-are-invalid.

(I don't care about pronouns but support trans people) also seems disrespectful and sort of like "i want attention" and I really don't.

I wish I could support trans people without having to label myself or my body or even bring up these topics. Is there a way to do that? There probably isn't.

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[โ€“] MindTraveller@lemmy.ca 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

That's an awfully binary way of looking at things. You're talking as though boobs and lipstick, or he/him, are the only two options. Don't you know there are thousands of tall, broad-shouldered, unfeminine genders? You could have xe/xim if you wanted. I don't mean to imply that you do, but you're clearly unhappy with he/him in some way. You shouldn't assume you only have two choices. You've got billions of choices.