Trigger warning: this could be upsetting
Shortly after graduating school, I hung out with someone I met once before and was raped and have some trauma in my background. It was aquaintance rape I guess? I barely knew him. There's other bad stuff that's happened that's also horrifying, some of it worse than that.
I am biologically male and effeminate, but don't want to have a female body. I don't really feel like anything and sort of don't care what people call me. I am slightly asexual just from trauma and don't really feel like I exist in a way. It wouldn't surprise me if I'm not around in another decade.
I support trans people, but feel like putting he/him next to my name sort of implies a more clear identity than I have or implies I care about how people label me. I don't. I sort of barely exist and don't like to imply otherwise. People can call me anything, I don't care. I don't see myself as female or a they or it. I don't see myself as anything.
I almost want to go like (he/him/*) but I am afraid this would be disrespectful.
I truthfully would like to be (he/him/π«₯/π) which would obviously be seen as demeaning. I feel like anything other than normal parantheticals opens the door to a distracting conversation that I don't want professionally and often don't want personally. And I feel like nothing after my name is dog-whistle for trans-people-are-invalid.
(I don't care about pronouns but support trans people) also seems disrespectful and sort of like "i want attention" and I really don't.
I wish I could support trans people without having to label myself or my body or even bring up these topics. Is there a way to do that? There probably isn't.
I see a lot of obvious signs that you are thinking about killing yourself that everyone seems to be ignoring.
Remember that you are valid no matter what and that in America you can dial 988 anytime you need to talk to someone
988 regularly sends people to lock people up in hospitals resulting in HUGE medical bills that financially wreck people.
I am not planning on doing anything. Please provide your government trap number to someone less naive.
Well, when I called them, I got to talk to a nice lady who helped talk me out of a panic attack so bad I almost went to the er for sedation.
So YMMV but it worked better than I ever thought just talking to someone could so I am going to continue to encourage people to use it, however I will caution them about the consequences you warn of.
Just to be 100% clear though, they actively talked me down from when I was about to check myself into a hospital, so I had a 100% different experience than you are talking about.
Like a complete 180 of what you warn of.
I canβt think of a reason you would want to lie about that though, it would benefit no one, so I do believe that it is a possibility.
If you say you're considering going to a hospital they will talk you out of it
If you say you don't want involuntary treatment, they'll get the battering ram
They do not always force everyone into involuntary treatment but they get caller IDs and can send police and force people to be locked up, with devestating financial consequences. A small weekend crisis can decend into long term financial instability or even homelessness if someone calls 988. Involuntary care is always horribly expensive.
A hospital stay of 25,000, which would not be an abnormal cost for a month long involuntary stay, can be taken from you by a collections company by seizing a car you use to get to work and deducting money directly from your paycheck. The financial hell can last years.
If the mental health industry really "cared" they wouldn't engage in brutal exploitation like that. Upset about the lack of a car and the collections company taking your wages and even more in an abyss? If you complain to 988, they'll lock you up again and increase the debt more, then let you out on new drugs to go stay at a shelter if you've lost your housing while continuing their collection practices. They fundamentally don't care and are a den of vipers that selectively target their prey for maximum resource extraction.
Although 988 and the involuntary hospitals and personelle and collections companies are not one monolith, they are all heads of the same hydra that emerges when a person is at their weakest, looking for its next meal.
They pretend mental health is the priority and everything else must come second, ignoring the reality that extreme financial distress always results in misery, then cause long-term financial distress by exploiting the legal and regulatory environment to charge exorbanant prices when someone can't refuse treatment. They are not stupid and know the horrific impact of severe financial distress, which they cause, hurts the downtrodden. They continue to operate this way because money has corrupted them. Often the medications they prescribe, such as SSRIs, do not even have statistically meaningful improvement outcomes as compared to a sugar pill as measured by metastudies. They know this, and also know a patient held captive will say anything, including a sugar pill is helping, to stop being held captive by a corrupt and deranged greedy industry.
Like a well-dressed vampire inviting you over for supper, they always seem nice until you are powerless, and if they don't end up extracting as many resources as possible from you they know you'll go on to be their cheerleader to bring in the next round of prey, and so occasionally they don't exploit select people to keep up appearances.
Congratulations on being their cheerleader.
(Also, I am not a scientologist, I believe the earth is round, global warming is real, and that some medications, including psychiatric medications, have statistically meaningful impacts to justify usage. I believe in the scientific method. But fuck the mental health industry and the vile scum of the industry who exploit those at their weakest and call the exploitation healing.)
You can think/have experienced all of that and still not be a fuckwit to the person trying to help you.
You can't mention the fact that you don't want to exist and don't expect to be here in a few years, and not expect compassionate people to respond with concern and advice.
Consider /insufferablecunt as your new pronoun.
When did I say I didn't want to exist? I never said that.
In former years, they used to lobotomize difficult people, destroying neural connectiins so they would be agreeable and stupid.
They financially do the same thing to people these days. "Oh just call this number, oh they are just here to help!"
Would you expect me to respond meekly to someone suggesting a lobotomy? No? Then why are you suggesting I respond meekly to someone suggesting I do something that could cost me $25,000 and lead to homelessness?
Most of the people who get locked up give up on financial stability and just go on SSI because it's pointless to try to have financial security after that. (The mental industry loves that because then they have a permanent meal, like a vampire who keeps it's captive alive with free blood transfusions from the government.) You are obviously in that industry or know someone who is or you wouldn't respond with such irrational deference to what is in fact extreme financial exploitation of the vulnerable.
Go fuck off. I did not post this question to get a barrage of mental health help. All I said is I don't know if I'll be here in a decade and I'm instantly bombarded with "go get therapy." It's so presumptious. I could have a fatal illness. You don't know my situation. I asked a question about pronouns and absolutely wasn't looking for medical mental health advice nor did I want it. Leave me the hell alone.