I have a young gay friend who is at their wits end trying to find others in their community. They are, understandably, reluctant to use the Internet for this purpose. We live in a very rural and conservative part of America.

If you have any practical guidance for them then, please let me know. I will be very happy to pass it along to them.

Thank you.

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[–] Penguincoder@beehaw.org 28 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (2 children)

Rural America sucks for a lot of things, be it entertainment, jobs or ya relationships. Especially bad for any thing LGBTQ relationship wise. A lot of the folks are still 'closeted' and so finding others is definitely hard. It's not as easy as Swipe on Grindr/Tinder and have a date tonight. Relationships, even friendly ones, take a lot more effort and work in RA.

My advice would be;; stop looking for a relationship. Tell your friend to look for things to do and places to be, situations and projects to enjoy. Put themselves into the situations they can have happiness and fun. The rest will follow. Tell them to find hobbies, be it bowling, gun range, ATVing, etc... something, anything that gets them out and around other people. And then just let it flow from there. Don't give them advice about finding a partner; give them advice to be in a situation, where they can find a friend or more, later. I get the goal, but it shouldn't be the sole goal for them. Have fun, do things that involve others. Interact, follow up, and have fun. :) Tell them not to start with the idea of finding a partner or .. FWB; but finding something they enjoy doing that involves others around. Being around people and then participating and involving them, will lead to the other goal eventually.

It will take time and repeated interactions. I think I read before, it takes ~6 or 7 interactions before someone feels friendly with another. So a one off bowling event typically won't lead to a relationship or a date. Multiples, with the same people around, has a better change. Do things; not people. ;)

[–] krewllobster@beehaw.org 10 points 8 months ago

Solid advice 👍

[–] survivalmachine@beehaw.org 9 points 8 months ago

My advice would be;; stop looking for a relationship. Tell your friend to look for things to do and places to be, situations and projects to enjoy. Put themselves into the situations they can have happiness and fun. The rest will follow. Tell them to find hobbies, be it bowling, gun range, ATVing, etc... something, anything that gets them out and around other people.

This. I finally just gave up on seeking relationships altogether several years ago when i was still living in rural America and figured I would focus on being a spinster and just enjoying myself. Several pool leagues and bowling teams later, and a few really great temporary relationships, I ran into my person, who also was decidedly done with the whole dating scene themselves. We've now been a happy couple for several years now.